Christmas can be a really stressful time of year, which can have a detrimental effect on your mental health.

There are so many expectations placed on us at Christmas. There’s a lot of pressure to get everything right, from how you decorate and what presents and food you buy to how much fun you have at Christmas events. That’s before we even get to the expectation of friction-free family relations.

It’s a lot and can ruin your enjoyment of what is, at its core, a lovely occasion meant to bring us all closer. Yes, even if you do spend most of it arguing with extended family.

So, what can you do to protect your mental health at this time of year?

Shun expectations

If you watch too many Hallmark movies, you’ll find yourself thinking you need to drape your house in festive lights, buy everyone impressively wrapped (and v.expensive) gifts, and spend the entire month attending various Christmas events.

In a word: no. Real life isn’t like that, and what’s more, it doesn’t have to be!

Forget the need to make everything picture-perfect. Unless you’re an Instagram influencer, don’t sweat it. Do what makes you and your family happy even if it doesn’t measure up to Hallmark standards.

Do what you want

In the same vein, do whatever the hell you want to do this festive season. Don’t want to attend your workplace’s Christmas party? Don’t go! Don’t want to wear a Christmas jumper? Then don’t! Ok, so written down like this does sound a little bah, humbug, but you get the idea – you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. This time of year is stressful enough without forcing yourself to join in when you really don’t want to.

Set your boundaries

While we say you can pick and choose what you want to do, we know that sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. This is especially true when it comes to family, who often demand our time when it’s not convenient, especially around the holidays. This can come with a whole set of new expectations, just to pile on the pressure, like hosting and cooking for a large group or spending time and money travelling for visits.

If you feel comfortable, just say you’re planning on having a quiet holiday season at home after a busy year. You don’t need to explain any more than that – be clear about what you want to do so there’s no confusion.

If you feel like you can’t turn down invitations, try dialling down the pressure by buying pre-cooked meals to share, or doing cheap things like going for a walk to check out festive decorations instead of going to costly events.

Plan ahead

If you know there are things coming up that you find tough, try and plan for them as best as you can. For example, if crowds stress you out but you promised the kids you’d take them to a busy Christmas event, plan how you’ll cope: things like going early if you can, stopping for plenty of breaks, and leaving when you’re unlikely to get stuck in traffic might make you feel better about it.

Be open with family and friends about how you feel, as talking about what’s going on in your head can help.

Get some space

If you do feel overwhelmed, stressed, or low over the holiday period, that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and you should never compare your own feelings to someone else’s seemingly perfect social media posts.

Step away from the chaos if you can by going to an empty room (even the bathroom will do for a few minutes of peace). Take a deep breath and try and do some mindfulness exercises, as they really do help to calm you, despite how awkward you might feel doing them.

Try this:

Sit comfortably, then breathe in for a count of four, then breathe out for a count of six or eight, and repeat as many times as you feel necessary.

The long exhales will help settle your heart rate and blood pressure, which will help you feel less frazzled.

If it all goes wrong…

If the holidays do end up impacting your wellbeing and you wake up feeling hopeless and completely drained, try not to worry. If you know it’s linked to holiday-specific situations, like overbearing in-laws overstaying their welcome or family arguments, try and focus on when things return to normal. It won’t be much longer before it’s all in your rearview mirror.

But if you’ve been feeling low for a while and the holidays have made it worse, consider making an appointment to see a doctor in the new year. They’ll be able to talk through options for improving your mood, and getting the ball rolling is a positive step.

If things do get too much, don’t suffer alone. You can call the 988 mental health emergency hotline, which will connect you to a crisis counsellor. There are many other helplines you can call, find a helpful list here, although be sure to check their opening hours over Christmas.